I don’t know if you’ll ever read this or not, but I think I need to do it anyway.

You may have moved on, fallen in love again, and completely forgotten me, like some chapter of your life that's been left behind. Maybe, or maybe not.

Even if not much time has passed since those nights, I still think about it. Perhaps it was the moment in my life when I needed to taste something, whether real or something we built just for the time being, a sort of dream.

I had a really tough time during September, with you gone, a new job (which I dislike), I don’t know. So many things altogether made my nights impossible. I am someone who feels things too much—anger, love, sadness—every emotion multiplied. As a result, many sleepless nights were spent feeling, wondering, and questioning myself. I used to think that for you, it was just an adventure, a good anecdote for the future, building that dad lore. Not real, just a girl you met, you fuck, and that’s it. Or maybe it was my fault for romanticising it and idealising something.

Sorry for being dreamy and romantic, trying to find the love of my life or something similar. I know that if I keep on with this, I’ll only hurt myself. But the truth is, we tend to think these kinds of connections happen so easily. I don’t know about you, but I must admit I’ve found many people attractive, yet we don’t connect.

Look, I feel I became a mess when you left, and I found it very, very hard to express that. Every message I sent you was just a whirlpool of emotions. Sometimes I needed to shut you out of my mind because it hurt so much. Having to meet someone and then letting them go so quickly. And then, boom, seeing you posting stories with a new girl so soon.

At least for me, I can’t help but meet someone new. I don’t find it easy, or grasp the idea of moving on so quickly. I hate myself for even admitting this, but I will keep you in my heart forever, even if that comes with some hatred.

Look, I just hope you keep fighting for what you believe, let go sometimes, don’t be so hard on yourself or in this idea of needing to be perfect all the time. Keep travelling, keep being open to possibilities, be ambitious but also simple. I want you to be surrounded by people who love and care for you.

If you want someone to text, you know what to do (unless I decide to stop using Instagram altogether, because honestly, I am considering it a lot). Well I’m doing just fine, as I told you, focused on my career and future, aiming for more, planning some fun adventures too.